Years ago, I turned to Buddhism to pray for a sick loved one. I didn’t study it deeply, just picked up bits and pieces. I focused on chanting, asking for things. Back then, I asked for a lot: for my loved one to get better, for my own success, for good job chances, for all my relationships to go smoothly, and so on. Sometimes, what I wished for came true. Other times, it didn’t.
When my wishes came true, I was sure it was because I’d asked Buddha. When they didn’t, I secretly blamed him for not listening or helping me. Then, when bigger problems came along, I got angry with Buddha. I was like a child upset with her Dad for not indulging her as usual. “Why don’t you help me while I always think of you? You’re not as powerful as I thought!” I grumbled. After that, I stopped chanting and praying so often.
This year, after so much has happened – in ways I never expected, full of struggles but also wonders – I’ve found my way back to Buddhism. I’d left it behind for so long. I’m lucky to have found the true teachings and listened to wise monks like “thay” Thich Minh Tue and “thay” Thich Phap Hoa. They’re helping me let go of many wrong ideas I had about Buddhism. I’m also starting to understand things I’d been unsure about before. This time, I give myself fully to Buddhism.
Now, I am grateful for and respect Buddha, but I no longer seek his help to solve my problems. Now, I’ve learned that no one can change my life or my fate except me. And to be honest, our life or our fate doesn’t have to be changed. I realise that the real problem is not the tough stuff happening around me – the real problem is in my mind. It’s our minds that make us suffer. This time, I want to listen to and learn from Buddha’s teachings to wake up and change my mind.
We bow to Buddha not to ask for favours, not to beg for protection, but to show respect and thanks to a wise teacher who helped us out of confusion.
Years ago, I sometimes bought a feng shui bracelet to “protect” myself from bad spirits or dark energy. I’d research carefully to avoid buying “the wrong one” that might “harm” me. At that time, I felt worried and scared inside. And I believed that bad things happened because of external stuff, such as a piece of jewellery.
Yesterday, I went back to the same spiritual jewellery shop I used to buy from. However, this time, I didn’t choose colours based on feng shui. I didn’t need an energy expert’s advice to feel safe. I picked a prayer bead bracelet in a colour I love – even if it might clash with my feng shui element. I chose stones that are easy to clean and handy for me. The charms remind me that Buddha’s nature is always in me. So when my “greed, hatred and delusion” appears, I can notice, observe and change my mind gradually. I love this bracelet, and now I know that: Any troubles I might face aren’t because of it or anyone else.
Noticing how I’d changed over the years, I smiled. I immersed myself in peace. Love that moment.
I remind myself that both kind people and those who hurt me are here to help me grow and learn to be better. Good things and bad things all help me on my spiritual journey. The “suffering” we face right now isn’t really suffering. If we want happiness, we need to go through tough times to learn.
Even though I still know very little about Buddhist teachings, I’m truly thankful for how he’s guided me and helped me become who I am today.
I hope I’ll have more valuable experiences and learn more about Buddhism so I can share more helpful things with you.
I hope everyone, including you reading this, finds the right path to live a meaningful and beautiful life.
Sadhu, sadhu, sadhu.
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