5+ Signs of Attention-Seeking in Adults & How to Respond

Before we talk about signs of attention-seeking in adults, let me tell you a story.

I used to have a folk who was always looking for people to notice her. I mean, always. She needed people to tell her she was good enough, pretty enough, clever enough. But even when they did, it only made her feel better for a bit. Then, the next day, it would start all over again.

I knew she felt really unsure about herself deep down – that’s why she wanted so much attention. I felt a lot of compassion for her, sorry for her, and tried to help. I’d always be there when she needed me. Our chats turned into impromptu therapy sessions, though I’m no therapist.

But after a while, I started to feel really exhausted. I realised I didn’t have the energy to be there for her all the time, listening and cheering her up.

I tried to get her to see a real therapist, but she brushed it off. To be honest, I told her I had my own things going on and couldn’t always be there for her. I let her know how I felt and told her she should talk to someone who could help her. I tried to set some rules about our friendship.

However, after a short while, she was back, telling me all her problems again. When I didn’t reply straight away or didn’t engage much with her social media posts, she’d get all huffy, accusing me of being a careless friend. I was tired and didn’t want to talk to her because I hoped she would remember the limits I set and stop. She didn’t, though. She kept coming to me for help and attention.

Then I realised something. She never respected my needs. She never really listened to what I said. We talked about the same things over and over. Everything I said went in one ear and out the other. If I tried to talk about myself or change the subject, she’d always bring it back to her.

I was really down at this point. I had to start taking care of myself because she was draining all my energy. I was no longer able to be close friends with her. I would need a whole day by myself to feel better after just one chat with her. After just one chat with her, I’d need a whole day alone to feel okay again. So I had to make a tough choice to step back from our friendship.

Even though she tried to reconnect and always claimed she’d changed for the better, I’d lost trust and only wanted to keep things at a casual acquaintance level. I learned a big lesson about setting limits with people and how important it is to look after my own mental health.

The truth is, we all want attention sometimes. But when it becomes excessive, it not only shows deep-seated psychological issues within us but can also affect the mental well-being of those around us.

In this post, I want to talk about signs of attention-seeking in adults, why they might be like that, and how to save your energy when dealing with people who are attention-seekers in your life.

Attention Seeking Meaning

First, let’s understand what attention-seeking means. It’s not just about wanting people to notice you. Signs of attention-seeking in adults are more than that. It’s like always being hungry for attention, no matter how much you get. These people might do anything to be noticed, even if it causes problems. Finally, it becomes troublesome when it goes beyond normal limits and has a negative influence on relationships and mental health.

Why do they do this? Not simple. Sometimes, it’s because they feel empty inside and try to fill that space with other people’s attention. Or maybe they didn’t get enough love when they were younger, or they feel bad about themselves.

5+ Signs of Attention-Seeking in Adults

Being Overly Dramatic

Have you ever met someone who always acts like they’re in a TV drama? That’s one of the signs of attention-seeking in adults. These attention seekers might make their achievements sound bigger than they are. Or they might turn small problems into big ones. They love telling dramatic stories to impress people or to get sympathy.

It’s like they’re always trying to be the star of their own show. Everything that happens to them is either amazing or awful – there’s no in-between. It can be a bit tiring to listen to after a while…

Always Asking for Praise

We all like to hear nice things about ourselves. But some adults showing signs of attention-seeking in adults are always fishing for compliments. They might try to say something bad about them, so you’ll say something nice. Also, they will keep implying to you about a good thing they did until you compliment them.
Plus, they may need you to make them feel good constantly. They may bother you if you don’t answer right away or if you don’t like what they post on social media. It’s like they’re always asking, “Do you see me? Am I good enough?”

Trying to Stand Out

Some adults who seek attention might as well be wearing a sign that says “Notice me!”. They may dress in odd ways not because they enjoy it but rather because they know others would look at them. Besides, they might do risky activities not for enjoyment but to cause others to gasp.

They start fights or arguments on purpose or act in ways that are too much to get attention. This can mean starting an argument about a sensitive topic, making a big deal out of something small, or doing something shocking to get noticed by others.

Problems with Relationships

People showing attention-seeker signs can struggle with friends and love relationships. They could be quite attached, always depending on you to show that they matter. Or they can become jealous quickly, fearing someone else might gain the attention they so desire.
Some would try to control people to stay near. To keep you continuously thinking about them, they will fool you or cause guilt. In other words, they want to be the “central actor” in everyone else’s life.

Too Much Time Spent on Social Media

To get attention, they may post too many personal photos or details on social media. This could mean posting about their daily lives all the time, giving out private information that isn’t needed, or sharing sexy or controversial pictures.

The Reasons Behind Attention-Seeking Behaviors…

Now that we know what signs of attention-seeking in adults look like, let’s think about why it happens. Remember, understanding doesn’t mean it’s okay to act badly, but it can help us be more kind.

Personality Disorders

Attention-seeking behaviour can sometimes be a sign of a personality disorder, like narcissistic personality disorder or dramatic personality disorder. Many people with these diseases need attention and praise too much, and they may try many different things to get it.

Loneliness or Lack of Social Connection

They could look for attention in order to connect with others or cover an emotional emptiness. They might be unacknowledged or isolated and look for attention to feel like they belong and are welcomed.

Feeling Bad Inside

Sometimes, attention-seeking behaviour in adults is like a band-aid for hurt feelings. If someone doesn’t feel good about themselves, they might desperately want others to make them feel better. It’s like they’re trying to fill a hole in their heart with other people’s kind words.

Childhood Matters

I can’t deny that how we grow up can change how we act as adults. Some people who show signs of attention-seeking in adults might have felt ignored when they were kids. Maybe their parents didn’t pay enough attention to them, so they learned to act out to be noticed.

Negative events in the past, like being abandoned or abused, can also make an adult have a strong need for attention. These things can make them feel unsafe and unloved, so they look for care to make up for their flaws.

Others, they might have learned this behaviour from adults around them. If they grew up with people who always needed to be the centre of attention, they might have picked up those habits without knowing it.

How to Deal with Attention Seekers

So, what can you do if you see these signs of attention-seeking in adults around you – or even in yourself? Here are some friendly tips to help:

Set Limits

Making rules is like putting up a fence around your yard. You can say “This is my space”. There’s no need for you to answer every message right away. It’s not being mean. It’s taking care of yourself.
It is very important to learn how to say “no” in a nice but strong way (trust me, I know how hard this could be, but we have to learn). They can see that you understand how they feel without letting their stress get to you. “I know you’re mad, but I can’t talk right now. Can we talk about this later?”.

Have a Calm Talk

When dealing with someone showing attention seeker signs, try to stay calm. Things will get worse if you get angry. Instead, gently change the subject from what they’re doing to get your attention. You’d say, “I know you’re feeling left out, but let’s talk about something good that happened today.”

If their behaviour is really making their life or relationships hard, you could suggest that they see a doctor or counsellor. Do not sound like you are judging them. Instead, say it in a way that shows you want to help them feel better. If they do not want to meet with a therapist, leave them alone, as there is nothing more you can do.

Don’t Try to Fix Everything

Remember, you’re not responsible for making someone else happy all the time. It’s like trying to fill a cup that has a hole in it – it’s tiring and impossible. Instead, get better at being a friend or partner in a way that works for you.
Also, dear, don’t let someone else’s need for attention make you question your own abilities. It’s not about you or how much you care that they need praise all the time. They need to work on that.

Give Attention in a Healthy Way

Sometimes, giving a little positive attention can help reduce attention-seeking behaviour. Try to notice and praise the good things they do. In this way, they can feel seen without having to act out. For example, “I really liked how you helped someone yesterday. That was kind of you”.

Help Them Be More Independent

Help them explore ways to feel good about themselves without always needing other people. You could say, “Have you thought about trying a new hobby? It might be fun to learn something new just for yourself.” This can help them build self-esteem and rely less on others for validation.

Use ‘I’ Statements

When you need to talk about their behaviour, use “I” statements. Instead of saying, “You’re always causing drama,” try, “I feel overwhelmed when there’s a lot of conflict. Can we find a calmer way to talk about things?” This helps avoid blame and can help the talk go better.

Take Breaks When Needed

It’s okay to step away from the relationship if the attention-seeking behaviour becomes too much. I know you want to help them, but you cannot if your mental and physical health are threatened. You should put yourself first. This helps you stay calm and shows them that you have limits.

Take Care of Yourself

It can be tiring to deal with people who want attention, so make sure you take care of yourself first. Do things that comfort and make you happy. Get together with people who make you feel good without always needing something from you.
It’s kind of like putting on your own oxygen mask first on a ship before helping other people. When it comes to dealing with bad behavior from other people, being stronger and happier helps.

Seek Support for Yourself

Remember, you are not a superman, and it’s okay to ask for help. Talk to friends, family, or a counsellor about how you’re feeling. They can offer support and new ideas for dealing with the situation.

When I was most down because of struggles with an attention-seeker, I asked a friend for help. He told me something that matter: “You have to be okay with yourself first before you can help other people be okay.”

By using these strategies, you can help manage the signs of attention-seeking in adults in a kind and effective way. Remember, change takes time, so be patient with others and with yourself.

The Lasting Word

Knowing signs of attention-seeking in adults isn’t about judging people. It’s about seeing patterns that might be harmful and learning how to respond in ways that are healthy for everyone.

If you see these behaviours in yourself, be kind to yourself. The first step to making a change is to see the pattern. Those habits may have helped you get what you needed in the past, but now you can learn better ways to connect with other people.

For those dealing with attention-seeking adults in their lives, remember that you can be kind and set limits at the same time. You can care about someone without letting their behaviour take over your life. And if you are not able to care anymore, don’t feel guilty.

In the end, we all want to be seen and valued. By understanding the signs of attention-seeking in adults, we can work on building relationships where everyone feels truly connected and appreciated – no drama needed.

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