Life has a way of waking us up. It often happens in four key moments:
After facing hardship.
During illness.
Following a big loss.
On our deathbed.
At 28, I think I’ve finally tasted what it means to be “awake”. Even if just for a moment.
This year has changed me in ways I never expected.
If I had to pick one unforgettable moment from my 28, it would be this: A breezy afternoon. Me, in a hospital gown, one eye bandaged, sitting in my room. Looking out the window. Trees swaying gently. Leaves a soothing green, comforting me.
For a split second, everything stood still. Sounds faded. Just me and those swaying trees. I’d never seen a window view so stunning. Like a painting. A present.
Many things are like that window. I might have seen them countless times, but I never truly “see” them.
Until this year.
5 Things I’ve Learned in My 28th Year
My Parents Aren’t Superheroes
As a child, I thought my parents could do anything. Dad ran a business and our home without a word of complaint, and Mom flawlessly juggled teaching and housework.
But when they stood by my hospital bed, I realised:
They’re just like me.
This doesn’t make them less heroic. Just more human. They have moments of weakness, panic, vulnerability. Times when they don’t know what to do. Their strength is often a mask, not wanting me to worry.
They also, need reassurance, listening ears, and support. Like me.
I now know that while they’re not superheroes, they love me more than any superhero could. After nearly 30 years of misunderstandings and arguments, I finally wrote a letter to Dad. I’ve realised he loves me deeply. At 28, truly felt my parents’ love. I can now say I’m a happy child.
We’re Always Supported, If We Dare to Reach Out
If you know me well, you might know I hate asking for help. I usually do everything alone. Perhaps I fear owing people.
But the challenges of being 28 forced me to face this fear and ask for help.
For the first time, I wrote to a stranger. Then, countless people from all over sent prayers and good wishes to me. I cried.
A brilliant doctor operated on and treated me.
My loved ones stood by me throughout my treatment.
Friends and colleagues sent warm words of encouragement.
I met mentors who taught me about SEO with passion and experience.
In Feb 2024, after learning to build websites for work, I dreamed of starting my own blog. I hadn’t told anyone. But amazingly, someone appeared to help me.
A kind friend I hadn’t spoken to in ages messaged, asking if I needed tech help (his strong suit). I mentioned wanting to design a website but couldn’t afford Elementor Pro (a kind of website design tool). He generously lent me his account. He even offered to move my site to his stronger hosting, free of charge. Then he vanished again (?!).
With the site up, I wanted motivation to write. I stumbled upon a 30-week writing challenge. Though I quit halfway, it got me writing regularly again after years. I rediscovered the joy of untangling my thoughts on paper. My mind felt lighter after years of jumbled ideas. Brilliant.
When I sought Buddhist teachings to ease my suffering, I found profound talks from wise teachers. They opened my eyes to truths about Buddhism I’d misunderstood. I met people who gently guided me towards Buddhism and vegetarianism…
I realise how much support I’ve had to get here. Deeply grateful.
Learning Buddhism Isn’t About Asking a Favour
After a few years away, I’ve returned to Buddha’s teachings. This time, without doubt or judgment. I understand suffering now and have met monks who’ve truly inspired me.
I’ve learned that Buddhism isn’t about begging or asking a favour. We can’t ask a higher power to grant happiness or take away our pain. But Buddha can help through his wise teachings. Buddhist practices teach us to recognise suffering, train our minds, and find our own path to peace.
My knowledge of Buddhism is still very limited. I’m still learning and still have much ignorance. The more I learn, the more I see my own greed, hatred and delusions that need transforming. Lately, when I’m troubled, I remember the words of Zen Master Thich Phap Hoa:
“How do we know how far we’ve come in our practice?
It’s not about how many sutras we’ve chanted or how much we’ve studied. To know how far someone has come, look at how they face and handle difficult situations.”
Suffering is a Chance to Grow
Among Buddha’s ten reflections are these:
“Don’t wish for perfect health, for without illness, desire grows easily.”
“Don’t wish for a life without troubles, for without hardship, pride rises quickly.”
I used to be very haughty. I do believe that if life were always smooth and lucky, we’d all be arrogant.
Suffering reminds me to be humble and see my flaws. When we’re too proud, riding high on success, illness can show us many truths. That’s why suffering is a chance to grow.
Just a reminder for myself: Both kind people and those who hurt me help me learn and improve. Good and bad experiences all guide our spiritual journey. Our current “suffering” isn’t really suffering. If we want happiness, we need to go through tough times to learn.
“When you’re on the spiritual path and face suffering or illness, rejoice. It’s a sign your bad karma is being cleared” says Guru Padmasambhava.
I’ve started to believe in karma. Every unpleasant thing that happens to me comes from “seeds” I planted in the past, in this life or in previous ones.
A victim mentality is the biggest barrier to changing our situation and transforming our suffering. It hands over the power to change to others. Life only truly changes when you realise all your suffering comes from within you.
There’s no other path but to transform ourselves from within.
I Have Nothing to Lose
We want the things we cherish to last forever. Health, money, love – we want these impermanent things to be permanent. I think that’s why we suffer.
Those who fear losing things are always unsure. We’re always worried about losing something, no matter how much money or love we have. We live in constant fear.
The more we have, the more we can lose.
The richer we get, the more we fear losing it all.
The more we love, the more we fear losing those we love.
But it turns out that. In the end, everything we think we own will be taken away from us someday.
This past year, there were moments when I truly felt I had nothing to lose. Just because I lost many valuable things in recent years, lol. And because I realise I don’t really own anything – not even my own body. Birth, ageing, sickness, death – these are the inevitable laws of life. No one can escape them.
Instead of clinging to hopes that everything will always be perfect, I suppose I should focus on enjoying the present moment. Letting go of the fear of loss can lead to a more peaceful and carefree life.
The Lasting Word
In the past three years, on every birthday, I always wondered: “What’s the point of living?”. Why must I live? Why must I be reborn? Can’t I just stop being reborn?
This year, I’m not bothered by these questions anymore.
Not because I got the answers.
The answers might change as I go through life. And, to be honest, they aren’t so necessary now. Instead, I’ve realised that.
Sometimes, the journey of seeking answers is more important than the answers themselves.
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