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Courage isn’t the Absence of Fear
This is a pre-scheduled blog post.
By the time you read this, I’ve likely undergone eye surgery and am taking a break from blogging to avoid screen time for a little while.
The surgery may have been successful, or not.
In the days after, I could retreat alone somewhere quiet to immerse myself in nature or still be in the hospital for observation.
As I type these lines, I’m facing my inner fears. Yep, I’m afraid of the potential unlucky percentages that could happen during the upcoming surgery. To be honest, I haven’t been the luckiest person since birth.
Perhaps most of us are often afraid of the unknown, of what we can’t control, fearful that uncontrollable things might threaten us. In reality, this fear had existed since the dawn of humankind – when the hunting trails in the wild harboured many dangers from ferocious beasts.
Because of this, many people (including me) have lived by the belief: “Everything must always be in control“. Work, family, health, and so on. They always try to control and condition everything according to their will. If something unplanned happens, these people can hardly bear it. Even a slight unwanted change in daily life can drive them crazy.
But since suffering from this eye condition, it seems like I’ve changed a bit.
I’ve gone through a long period of panic, trying every way to turn the situation around. But the more I tried to change and escape it, the worse it got. No matter how many ophthalmologists I met or the medicines I took, the numbers didn’t improve. It’s gradually worsened. I became afraid, then more afraid, unbearably afraid, and finally exhausted from fearing too much.
At a certain point, I surrendered and gave in to fate. I was drained from fear surrounding and drowning me. I couldn’t continue being afraid anymore. So, I accepted that I would live with this condition until my last breath. Yes. I’m just a small person who can’t decide what external circumstances happen to me. I can only decide how I deal with them.
Today, I still have fears and anxieties about what’s to come, but not the level of panic I imagined I’d feel at this moment.
Although still uneasy, I’m calmer than I thought I’d be.
It turns out we can be that brave and strong when facing adversity in life.
And you know what?
Courage isn’t the absence of fear but understanding there are things far more significant than fear.
I don’t know who you are, but if you’re also going through “battles” within yourself and living with worry about the unpredictable, I have some messages to give you. Perhaps they can help.
5 Messages for You | It’s Okay to be Afraid
1. This must be really difficult for you. It’s okay to be afraid.
I understand that feeling. The feeling of some days waking up and not knowing how to continue living with anxiety and fear. But after all, until today, you haven’t chosen to give up. It’s completely fine if your heart races, you breathe quickly, and you get headaches thinking about what you’ll soon face.
On the other hand, fear can be healthy. It’s programmed into your nervous system and gives you the survival instincts needed to keep yourself safe from danger.
Fear is only unhealthy when it causes you to panic more than you actually need and prevents you from enjoying the joys of the present moment.
You’ve worked hard already. I know you’ve tried everything you have to make it today. And I admire your determination and effort. You’ve done so well.
You are stronger than you think.
2. Take it one step at a time. You don’t have to conquer everything all at once.
The path you’ll have to walk may be a long and bumpy journey. Instead of thinking about how to reach the end immediately – which could overwhelm you and make you feel helpless – break it down into smaller, achievable steps.
Each small step, every time you overcome something within yourself, is also a milestone to be proud of. Allow yourself to move slowly but surely to overcome storms in life.
3. Focus on what you can control.
“You cannot control others or predict the future. Worrying about them is a futile exercise.” This is something I remind myself during the most tough times.
Fear thrives on uncertainty. There are a lot of variables in life, most of which you have no control over. The weather? Gossiping coworkers? Some diseases? People’s thoughts? Whether anyone will read this post? Whether it will get 10,000 views? Or only 1?
Who knows.
So, focus on what you can control. Thoroughly prepare for your presentation. Research your destination for your solo trip. By taking action, you shift your mindset from fear of the unknown to acceptance of the possibilities.
Remember, if you sow the seed today, it is evident that you will not see the fruits today. You must let the seed, the soil, the water, and the sun do their work.
4. Everything happens for a reason, even though you don’t know the reason now.
My eye condition has brought many obstacles, but on the other hand, it has helped me make more positive changes. I appreciate my body more, and I’m grateful each morning I wake up still able to see everything around me clearly. I feel more profoundly the limitations of my time and abilities, so I always try my best in everything I do and have no regrets. I’ve achieved small achievements I never could have imagined before. If I hadn’t encountered this condition, who knows when I would have truly lived to the fullest and spent time on meaningful things like this.
Although truthfully, I think everything in life simply happens just because it happens, not for any damn reason. But taking the view that “Everything happens for a reason” makes me feel better, feel that what I’m going through isn’t meaningless, and have a reason to keep living. Maybe you’ll feel the same way!
5. You are not alone.
We all face fear. Life is not easy for any of us. Talk to a trusted friend, family member, or therapist. Sharing your fear can be incredibly empowering. You might be surprised to find others have faced similar challenges and find the courage to overcome them.
Remember, courage isn’t the absence of fear. It’s taking action despite fear. By accepting your fear, challenging its lies, taking small steps, focusing on what you can control, and seeking support, you can unlock the courage within you and achieve your goals.
The Lasting Word
I call this period, and similar experiences, as the black hole. These are periods in our lives when everything appears bleak and hopeless, as if all is lost. For many, it’s the breakdown of relationships; for others, it’s career failures. For me, my struggles have often been linked to physical illness.
Let’s accept our emotions fully. Allow the feelings to flow. Sit down, welcome any emotion that needs to come forth, and feel it. Wail. Cry. Scream. Laugh. Sleep. Close your eyes. You don’t always need to understand. You don’t need to analyse. You don’t need to resolve or fix anything. Just be with it.
Let it be without judgement or resistance. It is as it should be, and it’s okay.
I’ll come back soon. Wish me luck.
See ya.
Jasmine.
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